Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
