Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
