i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
