i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
