i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize