im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
