i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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