No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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