well I can't set my house on fire every night
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
