I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
