none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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