the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
