I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
