i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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