he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
