Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
