you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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