I hope mine doesn't look like that
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
