if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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