The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
