Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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