it's not cheating when I paid for it
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize