Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
