He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize