I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
