If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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