5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
