Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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