Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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