I love black thongs
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
