wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
