What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
