Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
