im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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