I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
