In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
