No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
