It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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