You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
