Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I see more hoeing in ur future
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