I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
