Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
