if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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