i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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