Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
