I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
