I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
