His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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