I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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