Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
