I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
