Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
