my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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