i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize