You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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