just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
