There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
