If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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