i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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