Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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