So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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