it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
