Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wish my penis had a tongue
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
