i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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