Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
