you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Mom said you looked used
My liver just had a heart attack.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
