So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
