I want to stick my p in your. b.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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