I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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