Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
