you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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