he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
