He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
