on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
my shit smells like andre
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
