my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
