That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize