Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
