and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
