how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
