My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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