Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
