Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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