***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize