did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
