and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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