Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
