I just pynch a tree in the face
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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