I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
