I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
