so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
