I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Congratulations! We have a period
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
