The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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