im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
