I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
