For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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